Random jokes

By the Lantern Light ->

The crofter's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." ... [ca³y ->]

Morals of Story ->

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand. ... [ca³y ->]

Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners! ->

A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. I could tell that my parents hat... [ca³y ->]

Bill Clinton vs JFK ->

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K? One got his head blown off in the back of a limouzine & the other got assasinated.... [ca³y ->]

Line Dancing ->

What's 30 feet long and smells like urine? A country line dance at the nursing home!... [ca³y ->]

Smooth Flying ->

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a... [ca³y ->]

A Blonde's Dream ->

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor. Doctor: What was your dream about? Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire! Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like? Blonde: I was running ... [ca³y ->]

Flying! ->

Why did the blond jump off the bridge? A: To see if her maxipad really had wings..... [ca³y ->]

Creation of Woman Problem ->

One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself. "Where's Eve?" He asked. "Well," said Adam, "She started to bleed. This happens every month or so." "So where is she?" asked God. "Well, she we... [ca³y ->]

Let Me See ->

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. "Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit," he says to the doctor. "Okay," says the medic, "let me see your sex... [ca³y ->]

Help from Canada... ->

PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime M... [ca³y ->]

Two guys standing at the urinal ->

Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Blimey," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before!" "Like what?" Ted said. "All twisted like a pig... [ca³y ->]

The problem with Santa! ->

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. T... [ca³y ->]

Bloodied Vampire ->

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to... [ca³y ->]

Meeting of the body parts! ->

THE BODY PARTS MEETING One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge: The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge." The eyes said "I see everyt... [ca³y ->]